Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
