he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
