her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
