lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
