Nicole vs. Life
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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