I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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