naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
