yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
