I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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