after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
