You're so nebulous sometimes
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
