So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
