Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We have started to decorate penises.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
