I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
