Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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