it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
