Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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