I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
