Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
