Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
