he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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