I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
