What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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