babies were throwing up all over the place
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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