We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
