i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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