Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
