also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
