Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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