Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
