Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
