Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
