She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
