Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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