Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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