Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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