um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
