If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
