Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Send help, water and tortillas.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
