he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
