I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
