shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
