this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
How external is "for external use only"?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
