i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
