i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
