Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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