This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
