$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
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