alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
