last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
