What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
