I hate your face
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
