i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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