Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
