i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
