smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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