I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
