Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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